Tags
atheism, Christianity, crucifixion, dogma, hanging, Jesus, Judas, Poem, Poetry, Religion, sacrifice, Sonnet, suicide
He walked alone, beside the other twelve.
This one, first loved, his thoughts always unknown,
Deserted by his numbered days, the self-
inflicted wounds were hidden from renown.
His brethren could not see his painful past,
For they as ordinary men were lost.
His future too was something they’d not last,
Or understand his life, his pain, his cost.
But can the darkest hours bring to light
the goodness secretly forgot within?
And can the darkest man betray the rite
Of fire, forgiveness of his fellow men?
The sacrifice of nothing – little use,
Because a saviour died by broken noose.
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I am bad at poetry — especially when the poetry actually appears to be trying to say something rather than just a play of images, feelings and words. Theological poetry or philosophical poetry are hard for me — I just wish they’d say what they think — the poem is almost an impossible way for me to digest ideas.
So let me show you my problems/ignorance with this poem and maybe you can help me:
The first two lines just say Judas was alone, different and not understood. That matches the story.
I have no clue what the 3rd, 4th and 5th line mean except: he was infamous and his had a sad past (really? — where is that coming from).
6th line — was that suppose to end in “lost” instead of “last” — is that a typo? But even then, I don’t understand.
The last lines say that Judas was really trying to do something good (right?). What was that?
What is “the rite of fire” and how can someone betray it?
Why do you think Judas a savior?
You see, if you have opinions about Judas that aren’t apparent , then they need explaining. If they are just left vague in a poem, I’d imagine people will just ignore them. Or at least that is me. But maybe you can help my poetry-ignorant mind.
Thanx
Well, the sad past of Judas is my own poetic creation. It would make sense according to how he is seen today, though I feel Judas, and the whole lot of them were creative fiction.
The others were lost in that they had no sense of self-direction…no typo..lost people follow others.. of course, this poem would also imply that Jesus was just as lost, following the voices in his head.
The rite of fire, is his forgiveness of others. It is one of the hardest things for people to do, including myself, even though I am fairly easy to get along with.
The idea of Judas doing something good in his betrayal is a contrast intended to upset those whose faith is cast in stone (as was my poem “He Shot a Round”). Also, if Jesus was the Son of God, then there is actually no sacrifice occurring, for gods are immortal. Judas being mortal did actually sacrifice his life, by the betrayal and the suicide after.
You are right about vagueness. It is generally better in a poem to spell things out. Too much obtuseness and the reader becomes lost. This is even more important in a story.
Did that help?
Thanks for stopping back by Sabio.
Yeah, that did help. Thanx. It is almost like you need a little essay to make the poem fun. And you essay did indeed improve the poem. Thanx
No problem!